Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
