My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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