Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
