So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
How naked do you want me to be?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
