Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
