I can't breathe out the right side of my face
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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