WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
