So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
