mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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