idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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