I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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