so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
