great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
