I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
