I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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