I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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