Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize