Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
