I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
