I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize