just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
