So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
