well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
