Don't you send me to vm
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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