ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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