i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
