And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
