Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
