Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
