she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
