I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
