i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
