There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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