She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
