i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
