im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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