Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
