I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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