take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
