Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize