you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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