Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
