new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
