arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
