I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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