ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
