States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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