You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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