Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
