Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
