I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize