I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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