I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
FUCK WHALES
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
