I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
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