Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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