The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
