I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
