apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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