All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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