ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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