if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
