So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
