Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
