A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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