haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
