guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
