My hand turned me down
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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