Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
