I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
