omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize