I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
