What a fucking waste of an outfit
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
