We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
