dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize