I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
