I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
