New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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