Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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