I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
