just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
