u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
