holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize