So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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