it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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