we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize