alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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