That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
