K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
did you just send me my own nude
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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