i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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