just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
