you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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