Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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