I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
