yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
please come you make the beer taste better
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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