yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just google imaged poop.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
