but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
tell me about the eggs
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
