so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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