So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
