I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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