so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
