My Higher Power is John Stamos
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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