My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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