Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Enjoy the penises
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
