Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
