Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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