Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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