Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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