we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
