I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
