Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
