Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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