Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
