I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I've blown a few things in my day
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
