we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
