oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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