So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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