i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize